Introduction to a Group of Trans Women in Madrid

The metro station in Madrid’s Chueca neighborhood. Mattie Baird, August 2023.

Please note: Portions of the English version of this site/newsletter are translated from Spanish to English using artificial intelligence software (https://www.deepl.com/)  Therefore, there may be grammatical errors present.

Dear reader, 

I hope you are well. Over the past 3 weeks, I have been immersing myself in a group of trans women, all who have migrated from Latin America to Spain for their own reasons. I can't yet tell you all about what I have been encountering through my work with this group because I am working diligently on getting all the necessary types of consent. However, I wanted to share a few main notes with you about things that I have already obtained consent for or that do not require any type of consent to share. 

While there is a lot of LGTBIQ+ culture in Chueca, some interviewees from Madrid have told me that Chueca is full of upper class people and the culture is dominated by cis gay men. From my observations, this is true. There are a few LGTBIQ+ organizations that have their headquarters in Chueca, but most of the organizations I have met are located in the Lavapiés (or Malasaña) neighborhood. 

During my first day in Madrid, I had a scheduled meeting with the leaders of an LGTBIQ+ organization. We had planned for the meeting to be between me and two of the leaders of the organization. I arrived a few minutes before the scheduled meeting and there was a group of people gathering in the main room of the organization's headquarters. The person who greeted me at the door said, "Now our trans women's group is meeting in the room. Would you like to come with me to the meeting and then we can chat?" "Sure," I said. In the room, 6 transgender women greeted me with much joy and affection. They were participating in an activity that they do every week called 'dynamics.' How exactly the activity works changes each week... One participant in the group is chosen by another person in the group each week to lead the dynamic the week beforehand. That day when I first arrived, the dynamic consisted of all the group members sharing a bit about their experiences with activism and solidarity support. Each person had a unique mix of experiences to share with the group. From my perspective, the purpose of this activity was to help the group prepare for a community solidarity activity. For a long time, the group has been talking about how they could organize a solidarity event to support the community around them. 

A few weeks later, the plans have slowly solidified. As of now, they are organizing an event that will take place on the first Saturday of September. There will be monologues, shows, food and more for the local community to come together and appreciate the talents of this group of trans women. Within the LGTBIQ+ community, according to several conversations I have had with leaders of LGTBIQ+ organizations in Spain, food insecurity is even though more prevalent within the LGTBIQ+ collective. Even, LGTBIQ+ people who are also immigrants/refugees have more barriers to accessing food. So, this organization I'm working with has a food bank. For the event that the trans women's group is organizing, instead of charging people who will be attending the event, the group is going to ask attendees to bring a food donation of 1 kilogram or more to refill the bank. 

In addition to being part of the group and working with these women to support the group in moving towards its goal, I have had the great privilege of getting to know most of the members of the group through one-on-one conversations. At the moment, I am working on some writing pieces to highlight the experiences of particular individuals. When I proposed the research to the supervising entities at Davidson College, I had a slightly different idea of what to do in Madrid... originally I was thinking of interviewing 15-20 people in this city, but it has become clear that it is more powerful to focus on individuals that I can get to know deeply and work towards a more complete understanding each day that I am here, rather than switching between participants each day without hearing everything that the previous participant feels like sharing with me. 

During my last days, I will be sharing more than once/week on this blog/newsletter. If it bothers you, it is possible to unsubscribe from the newsletter through the mailbox at the bottom of the post. As always, thanks for reading. Talk to you soon. 

I'd love to hear from you. You can leave me a message in the comments area below, send me an email (mabaird@davidson.edu) or contact me through my contact page, which you'll find in the navigation panel at the top of any page on the site.

Trans Lives in Málaga, Málaga Pride, and the Town of Torremolinos

A selfie taken by Mattie Baird at Málaga Pride 2023. Mattie Baird, July 2023.

Please note: Portions of the English version of this site/newsletter are translated from Spanish to English using artificial intelligence software (https://www.deepl.com/) Therefore, there may be grammatical errors present.

Dear reader:

Before the content of this issue, I have some news to share with you about how the dissemination of my research findings will work going forward. Perhaps you have noticed that the consistency and frequency in which I have been publishing here has varied over the last few weeks. In Malaga, and especially in Madrid, I have had a schedule full of research-related commitments nearly every day of the week. There are research leads that spontaneously arise throughout each week, and so it has become more difficult to carve out the same day each week to finishing up and publishing an issue. Therefore, from this point forward, I will be publishing when I can. The number of publications will still be equivalent to 1 post per each week spent in Spain by the time that the investigation concludes, but when they are published will vary. In this edition and future editions, you will hear a bit about these leads and the findings to which they have led me.

It is hard to believe, but my work in Málaga has already come to a close. I learned so much in this beautiful city… each day was a gift from the universe, and I met many amazing people who I will always hold closely to my heart - personally and professionally. This issue summarizes some of the common themes identified regarding trans lives in Málaga and Andalusia, Malaga’s Pride events which took place on the 1st of July, and some observations and data about Torremolinos, a town located roughly 20 kilometres west of the City of Málaga. Also included are a few introductory notes to my work in Madrid, the capital of Spain. I will be based out of Madrid until I complete the in-country data collection portion of my investigation in mid-August.

In terms of trans lives in Malaga, there are more people who express their trans identities openly than in Sitges. There is also a lot of diversity in terms of the experience and life of each person who participated in the study in Malaga. Multiple participants feel that the vast majority of the public has a stereotypical and singular view of what it is like to be trans. Many of them have had experiences that have shown them that they are merely trans to the majority of the public... and do not see them as people with unique characteristics like every other human being. Participants with intersectional identities report unique challenges with existing in Malaga. One participant said, "I am a non-binary person, Black, poor, and I am an immigrant. I don't feel comfortable* in any of the community spaces for any identity that I have...in the Black spaces, they see my non-binary identity and they don't see much else. The same thing happens in LGTBIQ+ spaces... as a racialized person in such a racist country, many white LGTBIQ+ people only see me as black." When asked about senses of trans community in Malaga, almost every participant reported that, although there are other trans people, there is no sense of community among them. The only participant who reported feeling a strong sense of community in terms of their trans/queer identity was a trans woman. She is an undergraduate university student, studying Translation and Interpretation. As mentioned in a past issue, there seems to be a large divide between university students depending on their academic specialization. In other words, it is common for their friendships with other students to be almost exclusively with other people in their major. So, an LGBTIQ+ student with a degree like Translation and Interpretation, Philosophy and Letters, or Rights, finds themselves in more LGTBIQ+ community spaces than students with other degrees. In many cases, trans people in Malaga who are older than university students do not have the same senses of community in terms of their trans identity. In short, there are more trans people in Malaga than in Sitges. This makes sense, because Malaga is much larger than Sitges, but it also seems that the culture is different in Andalusia. There is a lot of history regarding the fight for the rights of trans people in Spain in this province specifically. Cristina Ortiz, better known by her stage name 'La Veneno,' was a Spanish actress, celebrity, model, sex worker and vedette. She was born in Adra, a town in the province of Almeria, located in the autonomous community of Andalusia, situated in the Poniente Almeriense region. She spent a large portion of her life working in Andalusia and is well known among Andalusians. Another important Andalusian figure is Mar Cambrollé, a Sevillian and a trans activist also well known for her work trying to advance the rights of trans / gender-diverse people. This history gives a bit of context about how the culture of Andalusia is different from other parts of Spain in terms of trans rights and therefore provides some context about the atmosphere in Andalusia.

I had the great pleasure of being able to attend the Malaga Pride 2023. This celebration was so different from the event that I attended in Sitges. With this, it is important to note that the Sitges event was a recognition of the International Day against LGTBIQ+ phobia, while the Malaga event was a Pride celebration. The pride events began in 'Plaza de la Constitución' at 6:00 PM, and all the people from different organizations in the city met here. Participating organizations included Apoyo Positivo Torremolinos, Diverxo Malaga, Colegandalus Malaga, Asociación Glairis, Asima Malaga, Malaga Participa, Malaga City Council, the Local and National Police and the Guardia Civil. The first 45 minutes only consisted of the arrival of many individuals and representatives of organizations and the preparation of all parts of the parade. Each organization mentioned had its own banner with a message connected to the event and many of the individuals carried a flag of an LGTBIQ+ identity of some sort. After the parade started, the crowd walked from the aforementioned plaza to Plaza de la Merced. At Plaza de la Merced, there were plenty of things to enjoy for a happy evening: attendees listened to a manifesto and enjoyed performances by Spanish artists. There were vendors selling food and drinks, as well as tables from local LGTBIQ+ organizations offering information about resources for LGTBIQ+ people (rapid HIV testing, support groups, workshops and more.) After all the shows, there was a big party in the Plaza with drinks and music. The attendance of the armed forces as well as the local and national police was interesting to me. There were hundreds or maybe thousands of them there monitoring the crowd and surveilling. I did not observe or hear directly of any acts of hate that happened, but obviously this does not mean that there wasn’t something that happened. All in all, it was a very well attended event, filling all of Calle Marques de Larios from Plaza de la Constitution all the way to Plaza de la Marina/Alameda Principal.

An interesting note about LGTBIQ+ organizations in Malaga is that some participants reported negative experiences with them as trans people. "When they received me at their headquarters," recounted one participant, "They didn't know anything about trans issues." While this is only one perspective, it is true that many LGTBIQ+ organizations have not truly provided the same level of support to trans people as they have to cis people. Not always, but often, when working with LGTBIQ+ organizations, I find myself saying, "They say their organization supports LGTBIQ+ people, but what are the specific things they are doing to support trans people? There are many services that the organization provides to the public, some of which do support trans people (rapid HIV testing, easy access to antiretroviral medications, community events for the community at large, and more) but there is no support for trans people specifically (a social or support group for trans people, help with finding medical providers to provide gender affirming treatment or access to psychotherapy with a therapist knowledgeable about trans issues specifically, or awareness/education campaigns on trans issues). The work done by LGTBIQ+ organizations in Malaga is very important. At the same time, we must acknowledge the fact that there is a lot that needs to be changed.

Torremolinos, a town that is located 15 kilometers from the center of the city of Malaga, is known around the world as an LGTBIQ+ paradise. Torremolinos itself is about the size of Sitges, and has a similar atmosphere in many ways. For example, there is a lot of LGTBIQ+ influence in the town, and most of the LGTBIQ+ organizations in town have a membership that consists of 80-90% cis, gay men, give or take (according to a leader of one of the organizations.) Geography, however, distinguishes Torremolinos and Sitges. While Sitges is in the northeast corner of Spain, Torremolinos is on the Costa del Sol (the southern coast.) It is well known that people in Andalusia are generally warmer and friendlier. So, report some participants, in a town as small as Torremolinos, everyone is looking at everyone all the time. It is more difficult to blend in and not be identified as a trans person, and therefore put yourself in danger, in Torremolinos. Another thing is the type of tourism it attracts. Sitges has a lot of tourists from France and the UK, while Torremolinos attracts more Germans and people from other parts of Spain. This is most likely because of the geography: Torremolinos is much further away from France and the UK. I met some lovely people in Torremolinos.

Later this week, I will write to you again with some introductions to my work in Madrid. I am already very busy here meeting people who are participating in the research in formal and informal ways, exploring the city and analyzing the data I have already collected in preparation for preparing a formal presentation summarizing all the findings of my study.

Until next week...
Mattie

*In Spanish, this adjective comes in gendered forms (‘comodo’ being the masculine, ‘comoda’ being the feminine, and ‘comode’ being the less widely accepted, but neutral form.)This participant referred to themself with masculine pronouns even though they identify as non-binary. It is a shared experience among many non-binary participants to use gendered pronouns while speaking in Spanish. Most of them explain that they had not learned neutral language before and/or that members of their social/professional circles do not understand them when they refer to themselves with neutral pronouns.

I would love to hear from you. You can leave me a message in the comments area below, send me an email (hola@mattiebaird.com) or get in touch through my contact page, which you can find in the navigation panel at the top of any page on the site.

Transphobia Runs Rampant

A panoramic view of the City of Málaga, taken from the top of the Gibralfaro Castle. Mattie Baird, July 2023.

Please note: The English version of this site/newsletter is translated from Spanish to English using artificial intelligence software (https://www.deepl.com/) Therefore, there may be grammatical errors present.

Dear reader:

Good morning. This issue was not published right on time because, truly, this issue has taken a lot out of me, professionally and personally, to write. I have embarked on a journey of deep and hard thinking and reflection to effectively capture the data disseminated in this issue. In Malaga, my research participants, combined with my formal and informal interactions with people who do not identify as trans, have given me a lot of data to analyze. The truth is that there is still a lot of transphobia in Spain. While this is not a surprise, to digest this data changes one's perspective. To hear the specific details of the acts of violence that occur very often towards trans people and the entire collective on a daily basis affects me personally even though I do this research professionally. Most of the research participants keep in contact with me through communication mediums such as Instagram, WhatsApp, phone calls and even in-person meetings/follow-up interviews. Through these interactions, I observe the dangerous impact transphobic violence has on the mental health of these individuals. This issue describes an array of these acts, including an analysis of the intentions versus the impacts of the actions of the people who commit these acts of violence. It also presents some information on the mental health status of trans people due to the aforementioned findings.

First, there are many cis people who have the best intentions, trying to be activists for the trans community. According to one trans interviewee, she has tried to talk about her challenges with her friends, but says that no one ever understands her. When the interviewee and I met, she told me that our conversation was her first ever conversation with another trans person. She was full of tears and emotion because, as she says, she has never felt understood as a trans woman before our conversation. With her friends, she has always tried to explain what is going on in her life with her feelings of dysphoria in her own body, the fetishization she faces in many of her sexual encounters, and transphobic comments she recieves from cis people regarding her future aspirations (e.g., her aspirations to have gender affirming surgeries).

Another interviewee, a cis woman who describes herself as a feminist activist, talked a lot about machismo and how she relates this concept to trans identities. Appearance - how a person appears, this interviewee says, is what determines the privilege that person has. Their gender identity is not important in this case. She continues, "If there is a person who visually looks like a man, whether or not that is their gender identity, they have the privilege of a man in society. That person has to accept that." The concept of associating a person's appearance with their gender regardless of their identity in and of itself is incredibly harmful. It entirely perpetuates the gender binary that our society has preserved for thousands of years. To say that a person's appearance alone is what determines their social position in society hurts not only this person and other people with gender-diverse identities (trans, non-binary and other non-normative identities,) but it also hurts society as a whole... it perpetuates the idea that women will always be the subject of sexist violence and that how a person appears will always dictate how that person will be perceived and treated. Yes, it is undeniable that some members of our society make decisions about how to treat someone based solely on their appearance... but this says nothing about who the person actually is. To say that anything about a person's appearance that is against how they identify is an act of transphobic violence that hurts all members of society, putting a pressure on them to always perform gender in a way that is stereotypically masculine to avoid physical and emotional violence. The same interviewee recounts an idea she says she shares with many of her friends in an activist group here in Malaga... "Men are more likely to dare to change their gender then women." First, I had to clarify who she was talking about... "When you say 'men' and 'women,' what are you saying?" She explains to me that in the first part of her statement, she is talking about "men changing their sex to women" and "women changing their sex to men." As a researcher, it is very difficult to know when it is time for me to exchange ideas with a participant instead of just asking and listening. Here, we had a conversation about the fact that it is generally considered offensive and unacceptable to refer to a trans person as someone who "was" one gender or sex (two terms that are often used interchangeably, even though they are very different) that "changed" to "the other." Every trans experience is unique, and yes there are some people who describe themselves this way, but generally, it is unacceptable to describe people in the collective as such if they have not described themselves as such. The vast majority of trans people I have spoken to formally and informally have articulated that this description does not capture their experience. One trans interviewee says, “I have always been girl. Anyone who says I've been male for any portion of my life doesn't know anything about trans lives." When asked further about her comment on the likelihood of people to 'dare to transition,' she explains that, "Biologically, people who were born as boys are more likely to dare to do anything..." Every transition is different. I have never spoken to a trans person who has said that their transition was more or less easy because of their identity versus their assigned sex at birth. I have met transfeminine, transmasculine and non-binary people who have described their transitions as 'easy' and others who have described them as 'hard.' To compare trans people's transitions to each other is also harmful in many ways. The insights revealed during this interview with this woman who is part of the 'baby boomer' generation coincide with conversations I have had with others who are part of the same generation. In addition to the erasure of non-binary people through the words of this interview (not including any mention of non-binary identities,) it is a window into how society, even people who say they 'support the movement,' viewed trans people in the 60s/70s/80s.

Similarly, there are cisgender people who cause harm, but without claiming to support trans people in any way. The ideas below relate to the TERF (Trans Exclusionary Radical Feminist) movement. People in this group are transphobic, in many cases claiming that trans women endanger women's rights. Some of the ideas outlined describe things said by people who are not directly part of the 'TERF movement' (e.g. friends of trans women) while others are things said directly by members of the TERF constituency. First, one thing that multiple transfeminine participants have reported being told by cis people is that getting gender-affirming medical care such as breast augmentation, vaginoplasty (bottom surgery) and other interventions are mutilating, sexist acts and perpetuate harmful norms of beauty and performance of femininity in society. These same women almost never say these things when cisgender women make modifications to their bodies... they say that they have autonomy over their bodies (yes, they should have it, but so should trans people!) Of all the interviewees' responses to these comments, the most powerful is, "Yes, of course we have to break the patriarchy... but it's not only my responsibility! It's my responsibility to live my life, to be authentic to myself and be the best version of me that I can be." Well said.

All of these acts of hate have profoundly damaging and dangerous effects to the mental health of trans people. As heartbreaking as it is, I have heard from participants about their challenges with suicidal ideation due to these acts of hate. Hate promotes trans genocide. We must fight against hate as a society, to protect the life, liberty and happiness of ALL.

Until next week…
Mattie

I would love to hear from you. You can leave me a message in the comments area on the mattiebaird.com version of this article, send me an email (hola@mattiebaird.com) or get in touch through my contact page, which you can find in the navigation panel at the top of any page on mattiebaird.com.

An Introduction to Trans Lives In Malaga

A piece of public art in Torremolinos, Malaga. The sign reads: “A ‘great raid’ took place in Pasaje Begona on the 24th of une 1971. More than 300 people were involved, 114 of which were arrested on charges of “violating good morals and manners”. Some people were imprisoned that night and all foreigners arrested were deported. These charges went into their criminal records and those under arrest were threatened to be placed “under police surveillance” with even worse consequences in case of recidivism. This “great raid” was an attack on the Pasaje Begoña, as its venues were shut down forever. But above all, it was an attack on freedom, bringing shame upon the world.” Project supported by Junta de Andalucía: Instituto Andaluz de la Juventud: CONSEJERÍA DE IGUALDAD, POLÍTICAS SOCIALES Y CONCILIACIÓN, JUNTA DE ANDALUCIA Y CONCILIACIÓN, Torremolinos Ayuntamiento y Pasaje Begoña Asociación. Graffiti by Don luso. Photo of artwork: Mattie Baird, June 2023

Please note: The English version of this site/newsletter is translated from Spanish to English using artificial intelligence software (https://www.deepl.com/) Therefore, there may be grammatical errors present.

I did not write to you last week because I have not had time to sit down and write much. Every day has been filled with formal and informal interactions as part of the research. I have already collaborated with over 20 people/entities here in Malaga as part of the project. What I am observing is that there is a lot more LGTBIQ+ culture visible here that is not strictly focused on cis, gay, white and normative men. Most of the people I have already spoken to have told me that yes, LGTBIQ+ spaces, specifically nightlife spaces are still dominated by this part of the LGTBIQ+ collective. However, It is undeniable that there is more of a trans culture here than in Sitges.

This issue highlights some emerging trends in Malaga regarding drag, community, the concept of 'cis passing,' non-binary identities, different perceptions of trans identities between generations, the process of getting a job as a trans person, the medical system and division within the LGTBIQ+ / trans community.

In Andalusia, there seems to be more diversity in the drag community than in most other provinces in Spain (we'll see about Madrid...) Every person I observed in Sitges / Catalonia identified as a travesti. That is, they identify as cis gay men. The drag community in Malaga and Andalusia in general (I have observed drag culture in Cordoba, Granada and other parts of Andalusia as well) has more diversity than that of Sitges, because there are people of many different identities doing drag. For example, there are cis women, trans women, non-binary people and trans men doing drag here. The drag culture is richer because it has many more perspectives than the culture in Sitges. Perhaps the most famous and well-known drag queen in Spain told me in an interview, " I am me. I go between feeling like man, woman, both, neither and other feelings every day." A phenomenon that persists here like in Sitges is the equivocation of drag and transness. As can be seen from Andalucía, there are many trans people who do drag. However, the fact that a person does drag is different from the fact that a person is trans. It is possible for these realities to coexist, but what happens very often is that society thinks that these things are the same - when they are not.

Senses of community have varied greatly with each study participant. However, there are common themes that have emerged in almost every interview. The first thing is life at night. In the Malaga / Torremolinos area, there are many nightclubs and social areas for LGTBIQ+ people. On average, the composition of people in these spaces consists of about 80% people who present as cis gay men. With that, more trans people have told me that they feel comfortable in these spaces than not. One interviewee went so far as to say that she does not feel that LGTBIQ+ spaces are dominated by anyone and that they are inclusive to every person in the community equally (This opinion is not shared among all interviewees.) A fascinating common behavior from my observations of nightlife is that many men in these spaces approach people they perceive as women and dance with them while grinding behind them. Sometimes they ask and in other cases they approach without asking and start dancing. From what I have observed, this only happens between men and people perceived as women. Some other spaces of community among trans people include sports and video games. Multiple interviewees report that they have met other trans people by engaging with these communities. In terms of the representation of the trans community in the popular media, multiple interviewees say that, in general, there is not much representation of their community in the media. The representation that does exist, they say, only shows one type of trans person in the vast majority of cases. Typically, this representation shows a hyper-feminine or hyper-masculine person, and does not show the diversity that exists within the trans community. In addition, there are almost never representations of intersectional trans identities, says one Arab interviewee. Among university students, the experience of being trans is very distinct. One interviewee reports that she has many trans friends and that it is "more or less easy to exist as a trans person at the University of Malaga." This girl's major is Translation and Interpreting. In a conversation with another trans student whose major is Computer Science, she says that she does not have any friendships with other trans people. When asked about the number of trans people known in each career, she reported that the vast majority of known trans people at the university study Translation and Interpretation or Philosophy and Letters. Finally, interviewees who are not currently enrolled at a university report that they do not have friendships with trans people either. We will see if older trans people have friendships with other trans people from interviews scheduled in the coming weeks. Some interviewees told me, "I was really looking forward to meeting you...I've never been able to chat about my experience with another trans person." At the end of each interview, participants have reflected on how much it means to them to talk to another trans person about their experience.

The concept of 'cis-passing' is very prevalent both here and in Sitges. Every trans person who has been part of this study has reflected deeply on this concept. Simply put, 'cis-passing' is something a trans person bears when people cannot distinguish that the person is trans (on the street, for example.) This concept is inherently problematic because it perpetuates the norms of what it means to be a man or woman in this society and leaves no room for people who do not conform to the binary. However, gender and sexuality norms permeate their way into every part of society around them. With this, for many trans people, to be cis-passing is one step towards being free. Participants in this study report that to be cis-passing gives them the opportunity to exist in society without always being asked harmful questions from members of the public. Additionally, many trans people report that, after becoming cis-passing, their mental health increased considerably because society stopped asking them questions every day such as, "Are you a man or a woman?" The experiences of trans people 'before and after' their transitions (itself a problematic concept in some ways, because it implies that every transition has a beginning and end point without giving room for the possibility for people to transition in different phases throughout their life, ...) also give interesting insights... many trans women have reported that they were never expecting to be objectified by men in public spaces nor to be spoken to by men in the way that they are now. One girl said, "Before I transitioned, people always told me about my intelligence, my intellectual capacity, and things like that... very profound things. Now, it's just about how I appear. When you're a woman, to society, you're just pretty." Obviously, trans men have different perspectives, but with similarities. They say that people started talking more about their intellectual/physical strength and masculine appearance and less about the specifics of their bodies.

Non-binary people add a key perspective to the conversation about trans lives. The first thing is that there are some non-binary people who identify as part of the trans community, and others who don't consider themselves trans but still don't feel comfortable with the gender binary. Spanish specifically is a very gendered language. Nearly every 10 words, there is an opportunity for a person to refer to a person in a gendered way. Non-binary people report that this makes their conditions more difficult because when they refer to themselves and use neutral language, people don't understand it and ask many questions. What happens very often is that these people refer to themselves with gendered language so that they are not asked so many intrusive questions. Another issue is how non-binary people navigate sexual encounters. Sometimes, non-binary people who may appear to be cisgender are subject to expectations from their sexual partners to perform a specific role that is associated with the gender that their partner perceives them to be. A non-binary person said a lot about their experiences with girls... "In most cases, girls don't want to compromise. They expect me to compromise because they perceive me as a man when I am not." Within the LGTBIQ+ community and even the trans collective, there are many, many people who do not respect the existence of non-binary people. This leads to dangerous conditions for non-binary people and in many cases puts their mental health in a more risky position.

The majority of study participants who identify as trans report challenges with getting jobs. This trend echoes the perspective of the trans man from Sitges who reported that it has been difficult to get a job as a trans man. A trans girl here in Malaga reports that, especially when she was in the early stages of her transition, interviewing for jobs was very stressful. Instead of thinking about how she could showcase her capabilities to successfully execute the job, she was dwelling on her physical presentation at each interview... "Do I look feminine? Is the person interviewing me perceiving me as I identify? Would I be respected working here as a trans person?" This interviewee continues, "Only when I became cis passing was I able to get a job." The same interviewee continues to reflect on the realities for the transfeminine community with getting a job... "The truth is that it is very difficult to get a job as a trans woman. This is why 90% of trans women do sex work involuntarily... to them, it seems like their only option for survival." There are interviews scheduled with trans men over the coming weeks that will most certainly provide additional insight into their experiences with getting jobs.

Another issue is medical care and the logistical components of one's transition. That is, the process of changing the data on the DNI (national identity card) and getting hormones and gender affirmation surgeries. If a person wants to change the data on their DNI, they must obtain letters of reference from other residents of their province and fill out many forms. After submitting everything, there is a 3 month waiting period before anything else can happen. With medical care, the vast majority of trans people report that it is more or less easy for them to get access to hormones. At the same time, they report that there is a lengthy process to obtain them. They have to undergo a series of medical tests that last a year or so to find out whether their body can handle the hormones. Some people report difficulty in getting the same quality of care during the summer months because many of the clinics are closed during this period. In terms of gender affirming surgeries, participants have reported that there are long waiting lists for vaginoplasties and phalloplasties, while there are not very long waiting lists for breast augmentation. None of these services are very expensive if done through a public provider, participants report, but if you don't want to wait years to have surgery, you have to have it done by a private provider who will charge anywhere from €8,000 - €20,000.

There are many differences among the perspectives of each generation, inside and outside the trans community. Trans students enrolled in university explain that they have been able to have role models to look up to during their transitions, more or less. Some other generations have had to look for role models online and others have had no role models at all. Every college experience is different, but every college interviewee has offered more specific examples of role models of other trans people they have observed during their lifetime, even if it has been a famous historical figure like Cristina Ortiz from the 'La Veneno' series. People who are a few years older than the university students have expressed that they looked for role models online (Youtube, for example) strictly and never found examples of other trans people in their everyday lives without looking for them with a lot of very hard work.

A very complicated issue is the division that exists within the LGTBIQ+ collective and even within the trans collective. An interviewee says that, like any collective, the LGTBIQ+ collective has conflicts within. The main reason for the conflict, says this interviewee, is that "many want to be protagonists." They continue, "In addition, the lack of knowledge within the community is severe." One issue the community often struggles with includes whether labels (such as gay, bisexual, ...) should exist and be used or not. Many people say that these labels perpetuate the de-normalization of LGTBIQ+ identities because to label is to separate LGTBIQ+ people from other people, while other people say that labels give them a sense of identity and community in a world that is still filled with ideology that fights against the freedom of LGTBIQ+ people. Some other issues affect trans people more than anyone else. Society, study participants report, has many opinions about whether or not trans people should have gender affirming surgeries. Some cis people have told trans people that surgeries are not necessary because we must stop associating a person's genitalia with a gender, or that it is mutilation, while others have said that a person is not truly trans if they have not had 'all the surgeries.' Finally, the use of inclusive language in everyday speech is lacking. In 60-75% of interviews with trans women or trans men, they have not used the pronoun 'they' when speaking in a context where they say 'he or she.' Non-binary people report that this causes them a lot of harm because even from within their own collective many people are not truly honoring their identities.

In conclusion, these first few weeks have been full of findings. There wasn't nearly enough space here to even begin to describe them all. Thanks for reading, as always.

Until next week…
Mattie

I'd love to hear from you. You can leave me a message in the comments area below, send me an email (hola@mattiebaird.com) or get in touch through my contact page, which you can find in the navigation panel at the top of any page on the site.

A Transmasculine Perspective from Sitges

A view of the ocean from La Plaça del Baluard in Sitges. View this location on Google Maps Street View. Mattie Baird, June 2023

Please note: The English version of this site/newsletter is translated from Spanish to English using artificial intelligence software. Therefore, there may be grammatical errors present.

Dear reader:

Good day! This is the last update about my work in Sitges. This issue summarises the findings from an interview with a transmasculine/non-binary person living in Sitges. This week was the last week in Sitges for this investigation, and it was full of encounters about trans life and community (or lack therof) in Sitges. Let's get started!

Each interview is distinct. This interview specifically aligned with some of the pre-existing themes of the research and provokes many additional questions. The interviewee was born in Israel and moved to Berlin when he was 21 years old, and reports that the environment towards trans people in Israel was horrible and he could not continue to live as he was. In Berlin, he met many people with whom he could relate in terms of sexuality- and gender-based identities. He obtained gender affirming medical treatment back in Berlin: testosterone hormones and a mastectomy (known colloquially as top surgery.) He had gotten his surgery a month before COVID-19 took over the world in March 2020. After some time, the interviewee moved to Sitges. He says he moved to Sitges because he wanted to live in a smaller, quieter place. Because of his mental health, it was very difficult to live in such a big city.

In Berlin, he was surrounded by sexually-dissident people. He says it was very important during the early steps of his transition to have people with shared experiences by his side. However, after some time, he had had 'enough' of Berlin, he says. Like many trans people, he has struggled a lot with his mental health. He struggles with panic attacks and one of his triggers is being in crowded spaces like very big cities. That's why he moved to Sitges, a town that has a lot of international culture, is quite friendly to the trans community and is a quiet place, more or less.

Before his arrival in Catalonia (the northwestern region of Spain where Sitges is located), he didn't know that the culture towards the trans community here was relatively friendly. When asked what he means when he says that the culture here is 'friendly' towards trans people, he says that incidents of outright transphobia / hate crimes are far and few between. That is not to say that there is a well-developed knowledge of the gender spectrum... "People here don't know anything, really," he says. The coexistence of these two realities is interesting because at first glance they seem to be at odds with each other. Speaking of Sitges' main LGTBIQ+ organization, he says that the only person who has any knowledge of gender diversity is the entity's president. At board meetings, for example, he reports that she is the only person who uses gender-inclusive language (she says "he, she, or they” in conversation.) As a volunteer board member, he has proposed many fantastic ideas about how the organization could increase its support for trans people. Some of his ideas include a social group for trans people to swim together in the ocean and a project to transform public toilets to gender-neutral toilets, among others. He says that most of his ideas are well received, but it is frustrating that the other board members are always surprised by his proposals... "Oh, what an idea! I've never thought of this," cis people often say in response to his proposals. He also recalled an act of aggression towards a trans/non-binary person at a public event of the organization. The organization was presenting a manifesto in a plaza for a day of remembrance and was looking for an artist to perform. Others on the board hired a cis man who does drag as a hobby and the interviewee recommended a friend of his to do an act as well. During the act, the drag queen used the wrong pronouns many times towards this non-binary person. When the interviewee and his friend corrected the worker, he responded with shouting and anger: "Why didn't you tell me before? You made me look like a fool," said this normative gay cis man who was dressed as a woman in drag. The interviewee says he was very disappointed with this event especially due to the fact that it was hosted by an organization whose main goal is to support the LGTBIQ+ community – which does include trans people.

Another issue is the challenge of finding work as a trans person. The interviewee reports that he has been trying to get a job since his arrival in Sitges a year and a bit ago. Something else he says is working against him is the fact that he is neurodiverse and has dyslexia. He says that not many people want to hire him even though he has a fantastic skill set. He says his passion is working in the field of diversity, equity and inclusion (If anyone knows of any jobs remotely, contact me and I will pass it on to the interviewee...he has an excellent CV and speaks many languages!) He has said that there are some opportunities that do help trans people get jobs in Catalonia but they are rare.

In addition, he has a lot to say about his experience with affirming medical care here in Spain and more specifically in Catalonia. As explained, he got hormones and gender affirmation surgery prior to his arrival in Catalonia but of course needs to continue taking the hormones (for trans people who want to continue carrying the feminizing/masculinizing effects of the hormones, they should never stop taking them.) He says that the process of getting them in Catalonia is much less of a process than it is in Berlin. There is an organization run by the Catalan government and CatSalut, Spain's public health care entity. The organization is called Transit (more info here.) The interviewee says that accessing the care provided by this entity is completely free for registered residents in Spain. He also knows that they do everything possible to help trans people who are not documented. According to him, this entity does everything for trans people that is related to their transness. They provide consultation services for getting prescriptions for hormones, help with getting gender affirming surgeries, psychological consultations, help with getting jobs and anything else a gender-diverse person needs. All of these services are completely free to residents. He also says the process is simple, more or less. The only requirement for hormone treatment is to get a new prescription every year. All residents have a CatSalut card and the medical provider puts the prescription on the card. Each time a prescription needs to be refilled, they go to the pharmacy, the patient gives their card to the pharmacist, and they are given the hormones. There is a fee of €4-5 for each refill. The interviewee also talked a lot about body diversity of trans people. The truth is that there is no singular cut of what a trans person looks like. Every body is different and beautiful. "I love my pussy and my flat chest," he says. "My body is perfect the way it is and there's nothing else I want to change." Like many, many cisgender people, there are some aesthetic things that he has wanted to change about his body. For example, he has wanted to remove some hair in his pelvic area. So, he hired a person to do laser hair removal. Before going to the technician's office, he talked to her about his body. "I have a trans body," he told her. "You'll have to deal with it, and if you have a problem with that, I won't come to your clinic." She told him it would be no problem. His experience at the clinic has been pretty good and he would recommend it to other trans people.

Moreover, he shared a lot about the experience of being perceived by the public on the street, his thoughts on masculinity, how transmasculine people are redefining masculinity and finally, his experiences with cisgender people in the LGBIQ+ collective. When a is misgendered, "it feels like being stabbed with a knife," says the interviewee. For most of his life, he was not passing as a man. Only in the last few years has he been passing as he identifies. What he didn't anticipate before his transition was the fact that people would treat him very differently in society. Well, of course he thought that people would see him in a different way - as a boy - but what he didn't anticipate was how other men would treat him or the ways in which he and women would interact with each other. He says that when he is in public, ordering something in a restaurant for example, other men talk to him in a very different way than before. They talk to him in a more 'nice' way and treat him like a brother, it seems at times. He says, "This shows me that many people make a choice to be mean towards people who are not perceived as men." This observation has greatly changed his perception of masculinity in general. He explains that, to him, masculinity is a construct that men chose to embody. He also acknowledges that there is an aspect of socialization here... it's not strictly a choice, but there is certainly an aspect of choice there. He agrees with the idea that trans men have a unique perspective... for at least a portion of their life, they were socialized as women. With that, they have a perspective that gives them more insight into what it's like to be treated as a woman in this society. It's not to say that they were women - trans men are men and that's that. It's to say that, most of the time, they have a unique ability to not perpetuate the toxic aspects of masculinity. For example, something that happens very often in crowded places in Spain is that when men are passing behind a person they perceive as a woman, they sometimes touch the person's hips as they are passing. It is undeniable that it is less likely that trans men commit this act of violence (Yes, it is an act of violence to touch another person without their consent - always, no exceptions.) The interviewee describes his identity as a non-binary transmasculine person. He says he does not feel like a man, but is perceived as a man in society. At 37, he is still considering what it means to be a man in the world he lives in. He believes he and many of his trans brothers are reclaiming masculinity, stripping away the toxic aspects and reinventing it.

He also has a lot to say about his interactions with LGBIQ+ people who are cisgender. As he has come to be perceived as a man, he has noted that cis gay men interact with him in a way that he perceives as threatening. Prior to his physical transition, they treated him as nothing – as if he didn’t exist. Now that they perceive him as a man, they have a sudden interest in him. He says, "They perceive me as one thing - a gay cis man they want to have sex with. But what I am is not what they think. And this scares the hell out of me. It's very threatening." He recounted an experience during his first weeks in Sitges. He was staying in a shared rented apartment while he was looking for his own apartment, and there were 3 other guys staying in the apartment. He says he thinks they perceived him as a straight cis man, but one day he asked them if they knew anything about the pride events in Sitges. "I noticed a distinct change in how they were interacting with me after I asked this question," he says. "Then they thought I was one of them – a cis gay man. But I'm not. They invited me to the beach to hang out but I didn't go because they would have seen my scars." He explained that he would be living with them for two more weeks, and "sometimes cis men can be very violent." He didn't tell them anything and didn't go to the beach because he didn't know what would happen if he went. The last thing he discussed was the drag culture of gay cis men. He says that too often cis gay men who do drag ridiculize femininity in a way that causes harm to trans women.... "Too often, the public interprets drag queens as trans women. These are two different things and it causes a lot of harm to the transfeminine community." A future inquiry may be, who bears the responsibility for controlling/changing how the public interpret the gender embodiment of others in the public? A strong assertion of this research is that everyone has the right to express (or not express) their gender (or lack therof) as they wish, without exception.

In conclusion, this interviewee confirms one of the main assumptions of this research about Sitges... there is not a trans community here. "Most trans people, and especially young trans people, flee from Sitges to larger towns/cities from Sitges. It's easier to blend in and be queer in a bigger place." Interviewee, if you are reading this, thank you so much for sharing your story with me. You will always remain in my heart.

I have now arrived at my second research site: Malaga, Andalusia. It is a beautiful city. I have already uncovered some compelling data, and look forward to sharing it.

Until next week…

Mattie

I'd love to hear from you. You can leave me a message in the comments area below, send me an email (hola@mattiebaird.com) or get in touch through my contact page, which you can find in the navigation panel at the top of any page on the site.

Bandstand Dedicated to the Transsexual Sonia, an ethical dilemma, and more interviews

Please note that the English version of the site is translated using artificial intelligence software (https://www.deepl.com/) from Spanish to English. Therefore, there may be grammatical errors present.

Happy Monday!

I am writing to you for the last time from Sitges. Of course I will write much more about my experience in this beautiful town, but I will do it from somewhere else, because I will be leaving for Malaga (my second research site!) this Friday.

This week, I summarize for you a day trip to Barcelona to see La glorieta de la transsexual Sonia, about which I commented in last week's post, an ethical dilemma I am dealing with and summaries of some interviews I have conducted during the past week.

Bandstand Dedicated to the Transsexual Sonia

Since last week when I was writing an analysis of the Pink Triangle of Sitges and I discovered the monumental Bandstand Dedicated to the Transsexual Sonia, I have wanted to visit it. This weekend I made my wish come true... I went to see it in person at the Parque de la Ciutadella. This park is filled much natural beauty and life.

At the top of this post, you will find a photo that I took of the bandstand. In the photo, you can see children playing soccer in the bandstand and also people sitting on the benches on the sides. On the other side, there is a sign that summarizes the significance of this bandstand:

Next to the bandstand, there were families, couples and people alone absorbing the beauty of the park. Before visiting in person, I didn't know what to expect... When I arrived, I saw that the bandstand is still a functional part of the park that people use just like the other parts of the park. I can't say for sure, but it seemed like most of the people next to the bandstand didn't know the significance of this site. To be at the place where a person was brutally murdered because of their gender identity brought up a lot of emotions for me. It was an interesting feeling to see most of the other people having a good time next to this site. On the one hand, to spend time at this site without critically examining the meaning of the site could be considered disrespectful. On the other hand, it is transcendental to have people having fun and enjoying the beauty of the park at this place where a person lost his life due to the hatred in other people's hearts. With this, other questions arise: What is the meaning of space? Is it more important to set aside specific spaces to commemorate and celebrate the lives of marginalized people or should we focus on creating concrete changes by passing laws dedicated to protecting these people? Is it possible to do both?

My ethical dilemma

This week I have been dealing with an ethical dilemma. Two of the people I interviewed over the past week want me to publish their personal data on this site to give them publicity.

What I tell each person I work with is that they have the autonomy to guide me in how they want me to interact with them. This includes what I do with the data this person gives me. At the same time, one of my supervisory bodies, the internal human subjects review board at my university, has approved specific practices for me to follow during my research. A key part the approval that I was granted to conduct this research is that I maintain the confidentiality of all of the research subjects I work with. The reason for this is to protect the study participants from unwanted attention and danger/persecution.

The dilemma has arisen because two of the people I interviewed are public figures. At this time, I cannot reveal their personal identities because I have not had enough time to reflect on the advantages and disadvantages of revealing these folks’ personal information. Obviously, I want to do what my participants have asked me to do, but there are steps that need to be taken before doing this. I plan to talk to my supervising entities for advice on this. I will keep you posted on this dilemma as the study continues.

Interviews

Due to the situation I summarized above, I will only give a brief summary of the interviews I have conducted during the past week. If I decide and gain permission to reveal the identities of the study subjects, I will share more details about the interviews. If not, I will share more information in my final synthesis about my time in Sitges, and as a part of my final research presentation.

One of the interviews was with a leader of an organization fighting for the freedom of trans/ queer people in the Sitges/ Barcelona area. In this interview, we talked a lot about the gender dynamics on the board of the organization. ~30% of the people on the board are women while the rest are men. I don't know the numbers exactly, but I know there is at least one trans person on the board. In addition to the board being dominated by cis/gay men, the organization is generally dominated by men with these identities. This board member told me that ~80% of the people who are officially members with the organization are registered as cis men. Of all the LGTBI discos in Sitges, (~20) there is only 1 that is known as a space for LGTBIQ+ women. There is no space dedicated to trans / non-binary people. This participant also talked about the difference between people who say they are feminists / transfeminists. They acknowledge the difference between these terms and explain that transfeminism is more inclusive of people with gender-diverse identities among many other aspects.

Another person I interviewed works as a drag queen in Sitges, Barcelona, Vilanova i la Geltrú and other towns in Catalonia. In this interview we talked a lot about the identity aspects connected to his work as a drag queen. While this person identifies as a cisgender man in his daily life, he also identifies as ‘travesti.’ According to this participant, to be ’travesti’ is very different from being ‘transexual’ (which would roughly translate to ‘transgender’ in English.) Transgender people / ‘transexuals’ very often want to take steps that change their body anatomy while ‘travestis’ (sometimes referred to as cross-dressers) do not. This distinction is very clear to people who are aware of gender identity, but to most people this distinction is not very clear. The interviewee says that he has a gender expression that is not normative. That is, he breaks gender norms with the clothes he wears and his mannerisms are not in alignment with the ‘typical’ mannerisms of a man. In Sitges, there is a very clear normality of gay men and it is not so common to see people who break this norm in the streets. This participant says that in his daily life, when he is out in the street without drag, he is the recipient of confused looks from other people but when he is in drag the public feels very comfortable with his presence and there are almost never looks of confusion until he is in drag. It's not to say that people don't have confusion about the identity aspects of queer people... the participant says that many people have think he is a trans woman when she is in drag, and don't see the difference between ‘travestis’ and ‘transexuals.’ These identities are compounded by society very often.

I am excited to share more information about these interviews when I have taken the necessary steps.

What’s next?

This week, I will continue to analyze the interviews described above in brief. I will also be working on my ethical dilemma. There are a few last interviews on the schedule with trans people in Sitges before I leave as well.

I would love to hear from you. You can leave me a message in the comments area below, email me (hola@mattiebaird.com) or use the contact page through this site.

Thanks for reading! See you next week!

The Pink Triangle, Colors Sitges Link, and my first interview

Hello!

I hope that this post finds you well. This week, there is a lot to process. First, I will share some more information about the pink triangle in Sitges. The site of this monument is where last week's event on the International Day against LGTBIQ+phobia took place. Next, I present a brief summary of a seminar on Spain's law 4/2023, a law for the equality of trans people and for the guarantee of the rights of LGTBI people in Spain. Then, I present information about some services offered by the organization Colors Sitges Link to people living in Sitges or visiting. Then, as promised, I give you a brief review of the article Without the gender binary by Cheyenne Crump in Colors Sitges Link's Vision magazine. After that, I summarize my first official interview of the summer. Finally, I give you a preview towards what's to come over the next week.

Wow, that is a lot! Let us get started.

The Pink Triangle

At the top of the page, you will find a picture of the Pink Triangle of Sitges. There are multiple names that people use to refer to the monument. The first is obviously the Pink Triangle. Nowadays, from what I have heard, this is the most used name. However, on the internet, there are other names in circulation: The Sculpture to the homosexual collective and Sitges Against Homophobia.

This monument has a lot of historical and cultural significance for Sitges. It was unveiled in 2006 to commemorate the 10th anniversary of the 1996 riots that occurred after police began perpetrating violence against gay men on the beach at night. It also commemorates the life of a gay waiter that was killed by neo-Nazis.

The inscription on the monument, originally written in Catalán, reads “Sitges Against Homophobia / Never Again / 5 October 1996-2006.” This monument was the first of its kind in all of Spain.

Obviously this monument is very important. The events that necessitated the creation of this monument are atrocities against humanity and we must always remember the people lost to LGTBIQ+phobic violence. Simultaneously, my question from last week persists: where is the trans representation? Yes, today the people of Sitges say it is an LGTBIQ+ monument... but how does this monument represent trans people directly? It was created to commemorate violence against gay men - something that is horrible and tragic - not to commemorate trans people. Even the past names of the pink triangle do not include homage to trans people. None of that is to say that it is problematic that the pink triangle exists... again, it's a beautiful, unique and very important monument. What I want to convey is that it says something that there is no monument that pays tribute to trans people in Sitges.

With a simple Google search 'monumento trans españa' (monument to trans people in Spain), the only result I find is the monument Glorieta de la transexual Sonia. This monument, located in Barcelona, was unveiled in 2013 to commemorate Sonia Resclavo Zafra, a transfeminine individual who was murdered by a group of neo-Nazi skinheads in 1991. I love that this very important monument exists, but like the pink triangle, it is commemorating incidents of violence and hate. It would be great to see public tributes to trans people that are inspired by trans joy and love in addition to the memorials that are commemorating many deplorable events.

Seminar on the most recent law pertaining to trans people in Spain

Last Wednesday, there was an event organized by Colors Sitges Link about Spain's trans law 4/2023 and Italy's law 164/1982. Unfortunately, I was unable to attend the event due to other commitments, and so here I summarize in brief what I know about the seminar based on Colors Sitges Link's posts on Instagram (all photos in this section are from Colors Sitges Link's Instagram page,) the text of Spain's law and conversations I've had with my connections here in Sitges. Here is the announcement that made the event public:

The seminar was conducted in Spanish, Catalan, English, and perhaps Italian. By attending the event, participants were able to learn more about the legal situation of trans people in Spain and Italy and explore new perspectives on the 'self-determination of trans/non-binary people'. The event took place at the Ateneu Popular de Sitges, a community space. One observation I've made is that there are so many public spaces in Sitges where community events can take place. It is fantastic that there is this kind of access to shared spaces to hold events that are important to the community like this event.

The distinguished speakers were:

• Anna de Nicolás: Transfeminist lawyer with a specialization in gender issues, representing Colors Sitges Link.

• Gioele Lavalle: President of Gender X, shedding light on social issues in Italy.

• Cristina Leo: Vice-President of Gender X, discussing the legal situation in Italy.

Other Services Offered by Colors Sitges Link

In addition to all the fantastic events Colors Sitges Link organizes, they also offer many services Here is a photo gallery with the ads for all of the services:

In summary, these are the services offered:

• Rapid HIV testing

• Emotional and psychological support from local professionals

• Legal services/counseling

• PrEP/PEP program (medications to prevent HIV contraction)

• Chemsex program (a program to support people who have an addiction to using drugs while having sex)

• Alcoholism support program

• Support group for men with HIV called 'Resilient Men's Circle'.

According to their website,

Helping Hand Project is the comprehensive Health project of Colors Sitges Link, LGTBIQ+ Association. It is even more. It is the value proposition of our association: to be the helping hand of the LGTBIQ+ collective in Sitges and its geographical area of influence... At Colors Sitges Link we consider the health of the collective our first and most important task. That is why we believe in the maxim of Healing Together from a community point of view: from "you to you" to "us, all of us together", building collective resilience from the inside out.

Learn more about the program here. It is worth noting that all of these services are completely free. With the support of Colors Sitges Link, all of these programs are able to operate without having to solicit money from clients. Perhaps you’re curious about the sources from which Colors Sitges Link obtains money… Me too. Next week, I hope to learn the answer to this question from interviews with leaders of the organization. My hypothesis is that they make money from membership dues, donations, and support from governmental entities such as the Sitges City Council.

Something that remains unclear to me is what services specifically for trans people are offered by Colors Sitges Link. Most of the services described above can be accessed by trans people, but I am curious if there is, for example, a support group for trans people in Sitges.

In the same vein, Colors Sitges Link created this guide on how to act in the face of LGTBIQ+ discrimination or hate crime in Sitges:

I obtained a physical copy of the guide during the May 17 event on the International Day Against LGTBIQ+phobia. The amount of resources Colors Sitges Link offers to its community is impressive and gives me hope for the future of this world.

Literature Review: Without the Gender Binary, by Cheyenne Crump

Cheyenne Crump published their article Without the Gender Binary in the 2022 edition of the magazine Visión, published by Colors Sitges Link each year. Crump is also the magazine's editor-in-chief.

The article begins with a brief history of how Sitges was impacted by the COVID-19 pandemic. After the pandemic, Crump says, there was a sudden increase in visibility of non-binary/gender nonconforming people. They go on to explore the question, "What does [a life without the gender binary] look like?” They also give a brief history of what has happened historically to people who have not conformed to the binary gender. Finally, they shares their hopes for the future of the world. Read the full article here.

The First Interview

Now, I am very excited to share some information about my first interview with you. According to my data protection and ethics practices, there are some details that I omit from my published writing to protect the people I am working with. For simplicity in summarizing the conversation, I use the name Juan to refer to the interviewee. With that, Juan is a cisgender man in his 60s and lives in/is from a rural town in northern Spain. He does not live in Sitges, but he has traveled here and throughout Spain many times.

The first interesting finding of this interview is about his profession. He is now retired, but when he was working he was an elementary school teacher. He taught all subjects to the children. I asked a lot of general questions about his work with children hoping he would mention something related to gender. After 10 minutes of nothing, I asked, "Have you taught a child who has embodied a dissident identity such as transgender or gay?” He said no, but that there were some students who Juan believes, later in life, discovered themselves as a person with a dissident identity.

Then, I said, "I am going to give you some terms. With each one, can you tell me if you've heard of the term, and if so, tell me what you know? The terms were: trans, ‘travesti’ (there is no direct translation for this word; some would translate it as ‘transvestite,’ however, in the English language, that term is considered offensive. Meanwhile, ‘travesti’ is a common, non-derogatory term in the Spanish language,) ‘transexual’ (this term is also generally considered offensive in the English language,) gender-dissident, non-binary, gender affirmation, gay, queer, lesbian, bisexual, intersex, and the gender-neutral pronoun ‘elle.’ The most interesting responses to this series of questions were about the terms ‘travesti’ and ‘transexual.’ Each person who knows about these words has a unique perspective and so it is important to take these answers with a grain of salt and remember that they are not necessarily other people's definitions. What Juan said about the term ‘travesti’ is that it is a person who was born a boy but does things to be perceived as a girl. He said the same thing about ‘transexuales’, but the difference is that ‘transexuales’ seek medical interventions to change their sex. How I interpret what Juan said is that he has the perspective that people who identify as ‘travesti’ have a female gender identity and feel comfortable in their bodies while ‘transexual’ people have a female gender identity and also feel a sense of body dysphoria and want to change their sex.

Another question I asked Juan was, “Have you ever met a person who was assigned female at birth but then shared with the world that they identify as a man (or the other way around?) A person who does not identify with a gender (a non-binary person?) He told me that he has met people with this type of identity but that they always flee to the bigger cities like Madrid or Barcelona.

Juan also shared some very interesting information about the medical system in Spain with me. He said that, because of public healthcare and public health insurance, it is more or less easy for citizens of Spain to access medical care in España. Again, it is important to take this answer with a grain of salt and remember that this is not necessarily the perspective of Spanish society in general. With that, he said that for people who want to take hormones to change their secondary sex characteristics, they can easily do so. It will be interesting to hear the perspective of a person who has gone through this process for themself as I continue my study.

When I was chatting with a friend about this interview, they asked me, "Why would you interview a cisgender man as part of a study on trans identities in Spain?" What I told them is that in my opinion, it is important to understand the perspectives of all parts of society on trans identities in order to understand what it is like to be trans in Spain. Of course, my conversation with Juan gave me a lot of important information. A million thanks to Juan for being interviewed by me.

Final Notes and What’s Up Next

Before concluding, I want to share some information about an event that happened on May 20 in Barcelona. Every year, since 2019, the LGTBI Center in Barcelona hosts a day of special events. There are workshops for adults and also events for children during the day. At night, there are many parties and music plays. Learn more here.

During my last few weeks in Sitges, I plan to interview the leadership of Colors Sitges Link. I want to understand how the organization works, how the organization's board of directors is formed and who are the people involved in the organization. Also, as I mentioned, I want to understand more about the finances of the organization.

I will also continue to look into the community spaces for trans people here. I have several leads and am excited to share them with you when I can. I was talking to a trans person from a town next to Sitges and she was talking about the pathologization of trans bodies. I will explore this as well, of course.

I would love to hear from you. You can leave me a message in the comments area below, email me (hola@mattiebaird.com) or use the contact page through this site.

Thanks for reading! See you next week!

Celebration and Commemoration, A Taste of Sitges LGTBIQ+ Culture, and some emerging trends

Please note that the English version of the site is translated using artificial intelligence software (https://www.deepl.com/) from Spanish to English. Therefore, there may be grammatical errors present.

Hello everyone!

I hope that you are well. This first week has been crazy, in a good way! I arrived in Sitges, Spain on May 16 in the afternoon and after getting organized in my apartment, I explored the town a bit. The beach is so beautiful and the streets are full of life and magic. In this issue, I present to you some cultural observations and details about my daily life. I also describe a celebration and commemoration event, the Sitges rainbow route, a literary Café with author Manuel Gerardo Sánchez, and a preview of the week ahead.

International Day for the Fight Against LGBTQI+ phobia

Every year, May 17 is the International Day for the Fight Against LGBTQI+phobia. Last Wednesday, the day after my arrival in Sitges, I discovered the organization Colors Sitges Link. According to their website,

Colors Sitges Link (CSL) is a non-profit organization that was created in 2011 to address issues affecting the LGBTQI+ community in Sitges. CSL connects and assists the LGBTQI+ community and friends in Sitges, both residents and visitors, through a series of events and projects run exclusively by volunteers. CSL is recognized by, and works closely with, local authorities and other non-profit organizations. The association's motto is 'The Pride Of Creating Community' and its aim is to make Sitges a better LGBTQI+ place to live or visit.

On this important day for the LGBTQI+ community in Spain, CSL and its volunteers organized an event to celebrate LGTBIQ+ lives and commemorate the people who have lost their lives to hate/LGBTQI+phobia. The event started at the Sitges Town Hall Square and from there the group walked towards the Pink Triangle of Sitges. During the walk/parade, there were many slogans related to the fight against LGBTQI+phobia. Here is a video that highlights some of them:

The parade finally arrived at the Pink Triangle and it was there where the event began. The act consisted of a reading of the press release of ODIO Diario, a movement initiated by the organization FELGTBI+. This organization has asked other organizations and individuals to support their movement and therefore, CSL joined. It is also worth noting that CSL holds most of its events in English, Castellano (Spanish), and Catalan (the regional language of Sitges and Barcelona) all at once. Perhaps the most significant part of the event was the reading of the manifesto. Read in all three languages, it lasted ~30 minutes. You can read the manifesto here in the language of your choice: English, Spanish/Castellano, Catalan. The event ended with a performance by Barda Petarda, a drag performer from here in Catalonia. You can download and watch a video of the performance here.

Rainbow Route

Last Saturday, I attended an event called ‘The Rainbow Route.’ This event is a tour of the city that highlights Sitges' gay history. Here is the flier that publicized this opportunity. One of the very interesting stops was at the first gay bar that existed in Spain (that's what the guide said.) It is now closed because the neighbors complained about the nightly noise from the bar. Here is the now-deserted bar:

I asked the guides if this bar was male-dominated, and they told me that yes, all 'LGTBIQ+' spaces in Sitges are indeed dominated by gay men. It was at this event specifically that I started thinking about trans representation in this town. My main question was, where is this representation? I started thinking about this question because every aspect of LGTBIQ+ culture on the tour was about the history of sexually-dissident men. I was having a casual conversation with a trans guy who doesn't live here in Sitges but has lived in Spain for ~10 years (he's now 22) and he said, "There's not a lot of public representation of trans people like you and me in small Spanish towns." I discussed my research with the other people in the tour group, and some men who were visiting from England told me, "There's not much representation of trans people here. But there is a lot in England, you have to come over to do your research!" I know there are a lot of trans people in Spain. The thing is that trans people congregate in hidden spaces. I learned a lot about the history of Sitges, and the tour was very thought provoking.

Literary Café with Manuel Gerardo Sánchez

On Saturday afternoon, I attended a literary coffee hour with the beloved author Manuel Gerardo Sanchez. He has written a few fictional books about the lives of people who embody sexually-dissident identities and at this event, he shared his latest novel En verano duele más. His talk was full of information about the main character of the book, and I am very excited to read it over the next week. At the event I got a copy that he signed for me <3. One theme that came up during the talk was phallocentricity. That is, the centricity of penises in society. Immediately when he mentioned this topic, I thought of a storefront that I had passed earlier in the week:

There are so many stores like this in Sitges where there are phallic objects without any objects that one might consider as connected to lesbian/trans culture.

Over the coming weeks, I will talk more about the work of Gerardo Sanchez after I have had a chance to read his work. I will also talk about the work of other writers - there is a lot of LGTBIQ+ literary culture here in Sitges!

Next week

There wasn't enough space here to describe everything I learned this week. What I will say is that it was full of adventures, rich conversations, and moments of deep thought. Over the next week, I will focus on finding just where trans folks do gather. Of course I will continue to talk to every person I can, but it is very important to me to highlight the experiences of trans people with this research - that's the goal! There is an article titled Without the Gender Binary that I just found in a local publication thanks to CSL's help. I will be doing a close reading of this piece this week and will present it to you next week. Also, last night, I conducted my first semi-formal/semi-structured interview. You will hear about this interview next week as well ;-).

I would love to hear from you. You can leave me a message in the comments area below, send me an email (hola@mattiebaird.com) or use the contact page through this site.

Thanks for reading, and see you soon!

Project Introduction

This image is of some lattices. Lattices are black/brown windows with small holes. Historically, Spanish societies used lattices in castles to hide women from public view. This is one of the things that inspired my research.

Hi!

I am glad that you are here. I am so excited to share my work with you. It is likely that you have already read some basic introductory information on the home page, so I will only give a brief introduction here. My name is Mattie (she/they) and I am an undergraduate student at Davidson College in Davidson, North Carolina, U.S.A. Next academic year, I will be starting my third year at Davidson.

Last summer, I traveled to Spain as part of the Davidson in Cádiz program with other students and Dr. Angela Willis, Ph.D. (one of my beloved academic advisors at the college). The experience lasted 5 weeks and during the program we traveled to many towns/cities in Spain. The image at the top of the page is from Granada. You can mouse over the image to learn more. I also took two classes there: Advanced Grammar and Spanish culture/art history. It was truly a fantastic experience. After the program ended, I stayed in Spain for 2-3 weeks with some friends who live in the north of Spain. I had the opportunity to think more about my academic interests and what I want to do in the future. These last few weeks inspired this project because I had opportunities to do cultural observations, and I learned that it is something I love to do. Below is a photo in Lugo, Spain with my friend Marina.

Research Questions

The main question is: What is it like to have dissident gender and/or sexuality-based identities (trans/sexually-dissident/queer...) in Spain today? There are many sub-questions, including but not limited to:

• How prevalent is the concept of identity? Moreover, do people focus a lot on gender/sexuality labels or are they more focused on living their own lives? If there is a variation, what is it like?

• Spain is a country with public (and more or less, free) medical care for citizens. How does this impact the lives of trans people in Spain? How many people access gender affirming medical treatment and how many do not? Are there barriers to medical care? If so, what are they?

• The vast majority of studies on dissident gender identities in Spain have taken place in large cities such as Madrid and Barcelona. In my study, I will study 3 different sites... one small-sized (Sitges), one medium-sized (Malaga) and one large-sized (Madrid). Are there differences in the experiences of people with dissident identities/experiences in these sites? Is it due to the physical geography?

• What are the spaces of community? What are the safe and unsafe spaces for people who embody dissent identities?

• What are the thoughts of cisgender/straight people about these issues in Spain?

Research Methods

I will use a variety of methods during this research including, but not limited to:

• Semi-structured 1:1 interviews

• Semi-structured group interviews

• Participant observation

• General observation

• Review of existing literature

The principal texts that guide my research practice are Imagining Queer Methods and Feminist Research Practice. You can learn more about my ethical and data protection practices here.

Research Dissemination

Each week, I will post on this blog with the latest news about my research. You can subscribe to the newsletter that I will publish each week with the latest publication and other notes as well.

In addition, I believe that the information gained through this research will be very valuable as I work on my Davidson thesis. I have not officially decided what I will do with my thesis yet, but I expect that this data will be very useful with this other project. I also plan to present my research at the Verna Miller Case Research and Creative Works Symposium in the spring of 2024. Finally, as I have done with my experience last summer, I will integrate the learnings from this summer into who I am as a person. They will inform every action I take and everything I do in the future.

Cudillero, España. agosto 2022

Do you have any questions? Thoughts you would like to share?

Please contact me! You can email me at hola@mattiebaird.com or use the contact page (in the navigation bar.)

With love,
Mattie

Funding Information

This work is only possible because of the generous support from Davidson College.

William Holt Terry Scholarship: The first source I would like to highlight is the allocation of a special opportunity from the William Holt Terry Scholarship program. The program was started in honor of William Holt Terry, a person who dedicated his entire life to the college. Here is an excerpt from the site:

The William Holt Terry Scholarship is Davidson College's preeminent leadership development award. Terry Scholars are chosen on the basis of their potential for leadership and growth on campus and in their careers and lives after Davidson.

This annually renewable scholarship is offered to students who have demonstrated extraordinary potential and ability to contribute to our vigorous living and learning community. The Terry program challenges and strengthens scholars through mentorship, networking, and unique opportunities to interact with established local and national leaders.

The scholarship includes a special opportunity stipend, and I chose to use my stipend to conduct this research. You can learn more about the scholarship here.

Abernathy Research Grant: The second major source of funding is from the Abernathy Research Grant program at Davidson College. Here is an excerpt from the site:

The George L. Abernethy Endowment supports independent student research and other experiential learning opportunities in the humanities, arts, or social sciences. Research can occur in the United States and/or abroad and during the academic year and/or the summer.

You can learn more about the Abernathy Endowment by clicking here.

I am so grateful - I couldn't do it without all of this amazing support!

Protection of Data and Ethics

An essential part of this research is the support of the Human Subjects Internal Review Board at Davidson College (learn more). I submitted a protocol to this board in January 2023 with information about my advisors, consent for my research participants, data protections, and more.

To protect the data, I am employing technologies such as data encryption, a virtual private network, and the storing data in secure clouds.

Oral consent script: Hello, my name is Mattie Baird, and I am the principal investigator on a study about transgender and queer identities in Spain. I am an undergraduate student at Davidson College in North Carolina in the U.S. The study I am leading involves research. The purpose of the research is to examine the embodiment of gender identities in Spain. The benefits of participating in this study may include development of a more holistic understanding of yourself and your relationship to your gender and the gendered world around you, upon reflecting on and sharing your experience as it pertains to participating in research. There are no known risks associated with participation in this study. As with any social-scientific research, each individual's relationship with the world is unique and there are different "triggers" for negative psychological responses to participation in research. As a participant, you will be interviewed with a very open-ended structure about your experience with gender in the world around you. Participation in this study is completely voluntary and you may withdraw from the study at any time, including in the middle of this interview. Each participant will choose what and how much they want to share with me. You can always answer "I prefer not to answer," for example. I will record the audio of the interview to give me the ability to focus on the conversation here, now, and then transcribe and analyze the conversation. All information shared will be kept confidential. That is, nothing you say will be directly connected to your name and all recordings will be destroyed 3 years after I complete this investigation, in 2028. My supervising entities are Davidson College HSIRB (hsirb@davidson.edu), Dr. Angela Willis (anwillis@davidson.edu) and Dr. Melissa Gonzalez (megonzalez@davidson.edu). Do you have any questions I can answer?  Do I have your consent to participate in this study?

To learn more about my protocols for protecting data and ethical research practice, please send me a message on the contact page.